As a parent or caregiver, it’s important to talk about topics like drugs, alcohol, and mental health with the young people in our lives. Sure, these conversations might feel a little awkward or even taboo, but they’re essential for our children’s well-being. These discussions can help young people make informed decisions and feel comfortable coming to us with their questions and concerns.
Stages Not Ages
It’s not about waiting for a specific age to talk about certain topics. There’s a way to handle these talks at every stage. For instance, tweens (10-13 years old) will get the most out of clear, straightforward facts and family expectations. As they mature, teens (14-17 years old) benefit from conversations that help them form their own conclusions based on the facts. Remember, not every child is the same, but these ranges can help serve as a guide.
If you haven’t had these conversations, don’t worry; it’s never too late to start. But don’t feel like you have to sit down and have one big talk — that can put a lot of pressure on you and your child. Instead, look for regular opportunities to talk. This takes some of the pressure off and sends a message to your child that it’s okay to talk to you about these important topics.
Tips for Tough Conversations
If you’re feeling unsure, here are some tips for getting the conversation started:
- Create a Welcoming Environment
Make it clear to your child that they can ask you questions or come to you for support without fear of shame or judgment. Avoid making assumptions or jumping to conclusions about why they know something or why they’re asking a certain question. Ask a follow-up or clarifying question, such as “That’s interesting, where did you learn that?”
- Ask Open-Ended Questions
Encourage your child to open up by asking questions that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no. For example:
- Seize the Moment
It might feel weird to bring things up out of nowhere. Try using situations from tv/movies, ads, or the news to start a conversation. You can ask questions, such as “Does this seem realistic to you?” or “What do you think you would do in this kind of situation?” Even just asking what happened at school that day can be a good conversation starter.
- Listen Up
Listening to your child encourages them to share more. Ask questions to check that you understand what they’re saying. Validate what they say. For example, “I can tell this is really important to you.” Don’t rush to correct them if they are mistaken about something. Affirm what they already know before offering more information.
- Help Them Be Information Detectives
If you don’t know something, use it as a chance to model how to find the answer. Discuss how to identify trustworthy sources. Share resources so they can find information for themselves. For instance, “I’m always here to share what I know if you need help. I can also show you a website that has good info if you want to find something on your own.”
It’s okay if these conversations feel challenging - resources are available to help you navigate these conversations. And remember, the goal is not having all the answers but about being there, listening, and supporting your child.
Resources
Tips for Communicating with Your Teen