What To Do When Someone You Care About Is Thinking About Suicide

How to Help

Friendships are among the most important relationships we have, providing us with a safe space to share our deepest thoughts and emotions without judgment. But sometimes, a friend may confide in you something extremely heavy, like struggling with suicidal thoughts or feeling like they have no reason to live. When that happens, it can be hard to know what to do, but there are steps you can take to support them and keep them safe.

If someone you know is struggling, the most important thing is to help connect them to support. This could mean reaching out to a trusted adult, a mental health professional, or a crisis hotline like 988. However, sometimes friends may resist getting help, saying things like, “I don’t want to talk to anyone” or “I’m fine.” If this happens, here’s how you can respond:

What if They Don’t Want to Call a Hotline?

1. Listen and Validate Their Feelings
   Start by calmly acknowledging how they feel. You might say, “I hear that you don’t want to call anyone right now, and I understand that this feels really overwhelming.” It’s important to validate their emotions without pressuring them immediately. Feeling heard can help reduce their sense of isolation.
2. Encourage Small Steps
   If calling a hotline feels like too much for them, suggest taking smaller steps. Offer to be with them while they call or text a hotline, or suggest using a text or chat-based service instead of talking on the phone (many people find this less intimidating). For example, you can suggest they text 988 or use the online chat option. You might say, “I can stay with you while you text 988, or we can do it together — whatever feels more comfortable.”
3. Offer to Reach Out Together
   If your friend still hesitates, offer to help them contact someone they trust — whether it’s a family member, teacher, or school counselor. You can say, “I’m worried about you, and I think it would really help to have someone else know what’s going on. Can we talk to [trusted adult] together?”
4. Respect Their Autonomy While Ensuring Safety
   While it’s important to respect your friend’s feelings, their safety is the priority. Let them know that seeking help is a form of strength, not weakness. For example, “I know this feels scary, but getting help doesn’t mean you’re weak — it means you’re taking care of yourself.” If they still refuse, and you believe their life is in danger, you may need to reach out to a trusted adult yourself to ensure their safety, even if it feels uncomfortable.

If Your Friend Refuses Help, But You’re Worried About Their Immediate Safety

If your friend has shared that they are actively considering suicide or you notice behaviors like giving away possessions, saying goodbyes, or expressing a desire to die, take immediate action:

• Do not leave them alone. Stay with them or ensure someone is with them while you seek help.
• Call 911 or take them to the nearest emergency room if you feel there is an immediate risk.
• If they refuse help but are not in immediate danger, continue to stay engaged. You can keep checking in on them, offering support, and providing resources like crisis lines or mental health apps. Sometimes the ongoing support of a friend can be the bridge they need to seek professional help later.
• Remember the hotlines are for supporters too. You don’t have to be the person in crisis to call a hotline. The hotlines can be a resource to you as well where you can get advice about the situation, referrals to other resources, or support for your own feelings.

Understanding Suicide Warning Signs

To help protect your loved ones, it’s important to know the common signs that someone may be thinking about suicide. These include:

• Talking about wanting to die or making plans for suicide.
• Expressing feelings of hopelessness, feeling trapped, or being a burden to others.
• Withdrawing from friends, family, or activities they usually enjoy.
• Changes in behavior, such as increased anger, anxiety, or mood swings, especially if these changes seem out of context or linked to a recent event.

If any of these behaviors seem new, more severe, or tied to a painful life experience, take them seriously and reach out. Remember, you don’t need to have all the answers, but by staying calm, offering support, and helping them connect to resources, you can make a significant difference.

Staying Calm and Supportive

Hearing that a friend is considering suicide is extremely difficult, but try to stay calm and patient. Your goal is to create a safe space for them to share their feelings. Here are some ways you can offer support:

• Listen without judgment: Avoid interrupting, giving advice, or downplaying their feelings. Simply listening can be one of the most helpful things you can do.
• Encourage them to express their feelings openly: Reassure them that it’s okay to feel what they’re feeling and that they’re not alone.
• Take their words seriously: Never assume they’re exaggerating or “just venting.” If they mention suicide, it’s crucial to take it seriously every time.
• Help them develop a safety plan: If they aren’t in immediate danger but are struggling with ongoing thoughts of suicide, you can help them create a safety plan — ways to stay safe during crisis moments. This could involve identifying people they can reach out to, places where they feel safe, or activities that help them cope.

When someone you care about is struggling with suicidal thoughts, you don’t have to do it all on your own. The best way to help is by listening, staying calm, and helping them access the right resources. It’s not your responsibility to “fix” the situation, but you can be a bridge to the professional help they need.

If you or someone you care about needs support, the following resources can help:

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

  • The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7 and can be reached by phone call, text, or online chat. Use 988 to seek support for a friend, a loved one, or yourself. If someone you know is thinking about suicide, encourage them to connect with 988. (Note: if you feel someone is at immediate risk of harming themselves, don’t hesitate to call 911 or another local emergency number instead). 

• Teen Line

  • Teen Line offers personal peer-to-peer support for teens by teens. If you or a friend has a problem or wants to speak to another teen who understands mental health, trained volunteers are available. Call 800-852-8336 from 6 to 10 pm PST or text TEEN to 839863 from 6 to 9 pm PST. Teen Line can also be reached via email by visiting their website. 

• Never a Bother

  • Never a Bother is a youth suicide prevention and awareness campaign  for young people and their parents, caregivers, and allies. Visit the website to learn the warning signs, crisis resources, and how to support yourself, a friend, or a youth in your care. Funded by CDPH as part of California’s Children and Youth Behavioral Initiative (CYBHI), the campaign aims to connect youth experiencing thoughts of suicide to help by reinforcing that they deserve support and are never a bother when reaching out. 

• Soluna App

  • The Soluna App offers confidential support for 13-25-year-olds in California at no cost. Use the app to Chat 1:1 with a professional coach and learn more about mental health and ways to destress. 

Read more in our blog What To Do When Someone You Care About Is Going To Hurt Themselves.