Let’s talk about something important that’s often overlooked — taking care of yourself when someone you care about is struggling with mental health or substance use. When you’re helping someone you care about, it can be easy to forget your own needs. It’s okay to take care of yourself too!
Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you’re selfish or uncaring. It’s like being on an airplane — you need to put on your own oxygen mask first before helping someone else.
Support Without Solving
It’s important to remember that supporting someone doesn’t mean you have to solve all their problems. When someone you care about is struggling, it’s natural to want to fix it all. But here’s the thing — being supportive doesn’t mean doing everything for them. In fact, it’s better in the long run to help them feel empowered to handle challenges. Let’s say a friend is having a tough time, and it’s affecting their schoolwork –- don’t jump in and do all their homework. Instead, you could help them break up big tasks into smaller, more manageable pieces.
Let them know you want to support them. If they’re not ready to talk, let them know you’re available. You could say something like, “I’m here whenever you want to talk.” Sometimes, just being there and listening can make a big difference.
Communicate Your Limits
If supporting someone feels overwhelming, it’s important to communicate, set clear boundaries, and not to be afraid to say no. You can do this while still being kind and caring. For example, if someone is reaching out a lot, you could say something like, “I love talking to you and want to make sure you’re doing okay. How about we talk tomorrow at 5 pm? That way, I can give you my full attention.” This can also be a good time to share additional resources like phone, text, or crisis lines. Our guide on where to go when you need someone to talk to can be a helpful resource to share.
It’s also perfectly fine to be honest about what you can and can’t do. You might say, “I can’t help with your treatment costs, but what if we think of some other ways I could help out?” It’s also important to remember that setting boundaries is an ongoing process. It’s totally okay to revisit your boundaries as things shift.
Know It’s Not All on You
You can also encourage them to think about other people in their lives who can offer support. Remind them that seeking support from multiple sources can be helpful, as they’ll get multiple perspectives and resources. You might also suggest support groups or online communities where they can connect with others going through the same thing.
Self-Care Isn’t Selfish
Remember, don’t forget about yourself! Make time for your own self-care. Maybe that’s taking a walk in the fresh air, writing in a journal, or connecting with a loved one. You can also check out our guide on using music for mental health and self-care. Taking care of your body, mind, and feelings is important for everyone. When you’re supporting others, self-care can keep you from feeling overwhelmed.
Check-in With Your Feelings
Now and then, take a step back and check in on how you’re feeling. It’s normal to feel a mix of emotions when supporting someone else, especially if their situation is stressful. Don’t ignore your own feelings.
Ask yourself questions about the support you’re giving. Consider whether the level of support feels manageable. Does it feel like too much? Is it affecting how you feel in any negative way? It’s important to be honest with yourself 一 recognizing your limits is a sign of strength, not weakness.
If you need to vent or work through your emotions, check in with a friend, chat with a counselor, or write in a journal. Understanding your own emotions can make you better prepared to help others with theirs.
Reach Out for Help When You or They Need It
If someone you know is struggling, the most important thing is to help connect them to support. This could mean reaching out to a trusted adult, a mental health professional, or a crisis hotline like 988. It’s important to recognize that there are limits to what you can do as a friend or family member. Your role is to be supportive, but if professional care is needed, you can’t be a substitute for that.
And remember, if someone is in crisis, or you fear they may harm themselves or others, always reach out for help. If you’re wondering how to be supportive when someone you care about is thinking about suicide, we offer steps to support them with care and understanding in our latest blog.
Supporting someone through mental health or substance use challenges is a journey that requires patience and understanding. It also can take its toll on you emotionally and physically. Keep in mind that it’s okay to take care of yourself. And if you feel like you need someone to talk to you’re not alone — resources are available.
Resources
- Teen Line
- If you have a problem or just want to talk with another teen who understands, then this is the right place for you! Call, Text, or Email us. Check out “Ask TEEN LINE,” find resources in the Youth Yellow Pages, or join conversations with other teens on message boards.
- The Crisis Text Line
- The Crisis Text Line is the only 24/7, nationwide crisis-intervention text-message hotline. The Crisis Text Line can be reached by texting HOME to 741-741.
- California Warmline
- 1-855-845-7415 available 24/7
- A non-emergency resource for anyone seeking emotional support
If you feel like hurting yourself, please call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.